Contentment

I love fire, I have always been drawn to it since I was a kid. As i've gotten older my fascination with fire still hasn't stopped. I really enjoy being around a campfire, bonfire, firepit or fire place. Not to mention my fire hoop and fire pio, when I play with fire I am in the present moment. completely. There is something about fire, the way it breathes, flickers, how you just get lost staring into it. The uncertainty and unknown that goes along with it, watching the wood light up, the smell, the different shades of yellow, red, and orange. The heat.

My main love for camping is the fire, there is something about the environment and being surrounded by the people you love and care about. But mainly I love the stories that the fire brings up, the laughs, the emotion, the tales. Maybe the stories come out after a hectic day adventuring, the full belly, or in my case maybe it's the beer, or a combination of all.

But this one time, I just have to bring up. I was camping for two nights with a big group of people. I only new a couple of them, the others were my girlfriends partners friends. There was a man in the group, let's call him Gary, he was camping with his teenage son and his wife was away working at the time. Now Gary had some stories and loads of fun facts, a fellow Sagittarius and pretty bloody hilarious, he wore hippy clothes and the wide brim hippy hat to match. He was well travelled, matured man, you could see it in his eyes he has seen a shit load. After telling me what i’m assuming 1% of his life story it was safe to say he spent most of his years travelling the world. I remember telling him how I would love to travel to see as many places as he had, meet as many people as he would have. The first night we all stayed up, laughing, sharing stories. The second night, the fire had been going for a while, dinner eaten, most people had gone to bed already, massive days out in the sun you know how it is. There was only three of us that stayed up, including Gary.

Somehow I was sharing a fear of mine. I said how I struggle with settling, how I just want constant adventure, a fear of being stuck. So now Gary legit comes out with, here we were just sitting around the campfire and he says “I used to wonder if I did my life right” Holy Fuck Gazza, bringing out the big guns straight up. And the only thing the other person and I could say was, ‘yeaaaaa’. You know the ‘yea’ with the sigh attached to it. Like we knew what he meant in that statement. Then he continues, ‘I’ve been a couple of places and i’m telling you, my home is here, you will find your home, your place, your person that won’t make you feel stuck and it will feel like bliss, you will know. i’m telling you now’ And that was it! The subject was changed to laughter and taking it in turns to tell our random crazy life stories again. Bloody fire, bringing up the good shit.

I had only had a couple of beers nothing serious at all, but for some reason I couldn’t ask him anymore questions about that statement in that moment. Which is really unlike me, I usually ask a million questions, I love hearing people's stories. Maybe I was too scared to know anymore, maybe I didn’t want to know the answers to my own questions. Does a switch flick Gary? And I won't want to be on constant adventure? Will I be ok with settling one day? Will it be called settling then though or will it be called contentment? Does it make you any different of a human if you get to see the world as to someone else that didn’t get or want to see any? Do you wish you didn’t travel so much? Did you meet someone and you were to young, dumb and stupid to do something about it when you had the opportunity? Did you wish you went back to a certain country again? Did you break someone's heart? We are so lucky to live in Australia aren’t we? Did you spend most of your life searching for something? Did you find it? Does any of it matter now? Gary?

My path is obviously different to Gary’s, everyone has a different path. We all have different things to learn and we all learn stuff differently and at different times. But my chat with Gary reminded me, and I love reminders, sometimes that is all we need. That we have this one life, everything happens for a reason. We could spend years wishing we did or said something different, but that is in the past. (I’m not saying anyone is or was living in regret)
He was speaking from a man that had done what I want to do, that I was looking forward to doing. Saying contentment and happiness are found within not from other people, objects or places. Everyone wonders about something I guess.

We can take a left or a right turn and wonder what would have happened if we had gone the other way, that butterfly effect / sliding doors weird shit. It reminded me that the stupid stuff that gets stressed about is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.We can get pissed off about getting pulled up for an RBT for example or change the way we think and be grateful because maybe if the car hadn't of been pulled over something bad could have happened on the way home.

I love fire. The wildness and sense of freedom, the fact that it can barley be controlled.